Another year has rolled to a close, and I have to say, without doubt, it has been one horrible year!! I know that’s not a positive note to begin the new year, but since it’s not yet midnight, I’m seeing it more as a dusting off of the old year, and good riddance to it is all I can say. This year has been horribly marred for me by losing my mother so suddenly and unexpectedly last April. I look back on what seems a blur of senseless aching nights and long grey days. Before this happened to my family, I felt we were blessed, almost too lucky. There always seemed this awareness that we had never experienced loss, never had to say goodbye to any of our close knit family members. I used to shudder and push the thoughts from my mind when I fleetingly thought of how easily our world could be rocked. And rocked it was. Inevitably I guess. We live in each other’s pockets, prefer it that way even. And that closeness brought so many rewards, but also magnified the pain of loss.
But it’s not just my own loss that has made this year so difficult. I can not think of any other year of my life that so many bad things have happened to so many people I care about. I have lost two gorgeous, generous, loving uncles, a friend has lost her beautiful smiling daughter, and my mum’s best friend not only had to deal with losing my mother, but also her own mother, and just last week, in a tragic accident, her son. Clients, aware of my loss, have shared their own experiences with me, and I have been touched so deeply at the strength of people and what they are capable of not only enduring, but surviving. I have cried and laughed and shared with so many people, and here, at the end of this year, I can honestly say, despite everything, I have never felt more satisfied by my work.
Photography should be so much more than simply recording a moment in time, lets face it, we can all do that with our iphones. Rendering that moment meaningful, capturing the love, the emotion, the heart of the subject, that is the challenge, and it is that I find myself striving for over and over. I don’t want people to look back over their images and not say ‘oh yes, that’s how I looked on my wedding day’, but ‘oh yes that is how I felt on my wedding day’. Having lost such a pivotal member of my family has made me acutely aware of the importance of what I do. These moments, memories, are irreplaceable, and more valuable than any family fortune.
To all of the gorgeous, kind, generous, and loyal clients who have shared their experiences with me this year, who have invited me into their families and allowed me to become a part of their story, thank you so much. It means more than you know.
And if new year really can mean anything, for me, it has to be a turning point, a new beginning, and with that, I say good riddance to 2009, honestly, who needed it? I actually can’t put it better than a recent client did (S, forgive me, your daughter is adorable, and this image does not do her justice, but man it makes me laugh!):
From the gorgeous Chelsea, seeya later 2009. Bring on the new year!
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by Janine
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